The challenges in life are often times what defines us.. We are expected to deal with major events in our life in an expected pattern. But what happens when one defies that pattern and seeks comfort in something outside of the norm?
That’s what I had to figure out. The journey I undertook. My quest to find the answers that my friends couldn’t provide, the faith I mistrusted, and the society which tried to cage me in.
I think my journey began with a major life event. It’s like I finally understood on some level, what hoarders do and why they do what they do. Major emotional trauma will change you. It can either break you, make you stronger, or leave you norm and create an absence which only you can feel, but can’t fully explain.
This, I have been experiencing for the past few years with me being my own savior, my own light at the end of the towel. Not having emotional and mental support does take its toll. Not having anyone close enough to realize that toll, takes even a bigger slice out of you. It takes away from your equilibrium. You become disoriented, lost. You feel neglected, forgotten; and most of all alone. Then you become lost in your own sea of thoughts. you distrust others, yourself, the world.
And when you finally come out of it, if you do; you feel disconnected from those who you believed fail you. You distance yourself. Your cut yourself off and you lose faith in the what you knew. You find a new source of strength, a new source of familiarity and you move one. You let go. You start over!