Even my heart cry, but who cares?
I’ve been singing that song for as long as I can remember. Eventually, I learnt to manage those dry cries so that they never became a reality. Many people do not truly know me, and the few who really take the time to; understand me and get to like and most of all love me.
On the outside, I appear how I want the world to see: strong, resilient, solid. On the inside, I suffered many a night of dry cries.
Then one day, that all changed – February 11, 2012. The was the day everything about my life changed. That was the day my heart stopped and I lost the most important person in my life – my grandmother. That was the day my dry cries culminated in deep wrenching wet ones. And after that day, I decided that I’d never ever be the same again. That even though I will shed many more dry cries, I’ll never ever let the world determine who cares.
I decided that year that I won’t shed unnecessary tears at the lack of that which I needed most. I decided then, that I’d find a way to just accept everything which I’ve been fighting against and let the world see Vanessa.
Today, I’m here. People are more intrigued by me, my lifestyle, my person, my outer shell. Few people know me. Few people are given the opportunity to know me. The world of opinion began to fail and I started to see the world through my own glasses.
I made sure that they were crystal clear and because of that, I was able to ascertain so many facts; many of which have enabled me to navigate the terrible society in which we are forced to inhabit.
I learnt that I was neither too humble nor ignorant and then things began to fade and everything important to me gained clarity.
During that period I learnt these 10 important things:
- If I let this society define me, I’d forever be in that stage of dry cry
- Society will treat me according to how I let it
- There are some people in society who are not worth a second thought
- “Friends” will envy me and I have to just let it go
- There are few people who genuinely will wish me well
- People will always be curious, and when they can’t know, they’ll speculate and fabricate
- Never be jealous or anyone else’s life for I know not what they are enduring
- Be me – for I am truly the best original
- Never show weakness, people are more intrigued by strength
- The person who takes away those dry cries – will be the ONE; so I can freely fall