My fear of the “S” word

or should I say, my lack of it?

Since being alone, I’ve come to realize many things. I think that the most major discovery which I’ve had is that many women fear the S word; many women fear being SINGLE. I’m not sure that I suffer from the same feeling, however, I do know that I won’t be single for long.

Why are we as women so scared of the “S” word?

Being single these days seems to feel like some sort of social experiment where those who are single appear to be failing. I ask myself why? Why is it that single people, especially women, feel the need to be defined by a status? Why is it that the single people I know are always trying to become part of a duo? Why don’t most people enjoy the single time where one can find that solace, that identity, that part of oneself where one feels that one is comfortable enough? I am of the view that when a woman is secure in herself, then she will be ready to take that journey from being alone, to being coupled.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against relationships – whether it be with myself or with someone else. I also see nothing wrong in dating; I have nothing against it. I just have my ideas on how and why it doesn’t work for me. This is a new awareness. Before, I used to think that dating is such a waste of time.  That it was just an excuse for the opportunity to explore as many people as possible. I still feel so. But I also feel that as a single woman who intends to date,  if I met someone that I was interested in, then I’d focus solely on that person. I won’t need to date other people while I’m trying to find the elusive ONE.

Anyways, is there even such a thing as THE ONE?

Aren’t we a bit delusional if we have in the back of our minds that there is that ONE waiting for us out there?

Aren’t we even setting ourselves up for failure by having this idea that there is the ONE, ultimately defined as being PERFECT because of some list which we have created, and which we have been programmed to think exist?

I think that it is pretty much a given that those of us who have found the ONE, can  say that there are a few things that if we could, we would change. Doesn’t that in fact refute the theory of  a perfect “THE ONE”?

I hold the view that yes, there is a being out there who can stack up to our ideal, but this is always a work in progress. This person can indeed be cultivated. Two people are attracted to each other first based on the physical, then the emotional and the psychological. Outside the physical, everything else can be learnt and taught.

Therefore, I strongly believe that if as a single woman, you meet a man who you are physically attracted to, and in the process of dating, you find that this person has personality traits which you appreciate, it is up to you to create that ideal ONE; if you choose to of course. This same person will have some negative traits that you may not like. The key will always be figuring out whether those are traits you can coexist with for a long time. In all reality, these negative traits may not be able to go away. So if you are thinking long term, then I’d say the focus should be on whether in the test of time, you will be able to coexist with this negativity.

Right now, I’m in the process of self-validation. I’ve found myself over time, and now, I’m just solidifying what I have discovered as I take this day to day journey.

I am independent. I am stubborn. These two qualities have together given me the strength to claim my life and choose the path of “singledom”. As it is right now, I’d not have it any other way. Don’t get me wrong, I do miss some of the benefits of being in a relationship, a couple, living with someone. Perhaps what I miss most is the idea of coming home to someone special outside of my kids. However, I am only aware of that when I’m in a big house alone because my mini mes, aka little ones, have gone off for the weekend. Outside of that, I am enjoying being single.

As I end, I’d  like to suggest that you, if you are single, please enjoy being single too. Be selfish and enjoy that time to self discover, if you haven’t already done so.

Do these things:

  • Date yourself
  • Figure what you have been missing
  • Find new friends, expand your circle
  • Do things you’ve never done before; fly a plane – I did
  • Discover
  • Explore
  • Live
  • Laugh
  • then, FIND LOVE

Here I am just enjoying myself….

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