At least in time you do. Trust me, the Christian idea of forgive and forget is a myth. We as humans are not programmed to realistically forget. We may get over it, get pass it, ignore it, but trust me, if you are human, you never forget the sting of betrayal.
But again, I reiterate, you will recover from it. Like everything else, the pain of betrayal eventually ebbs. I have heard that “time is like a river, you cannot touch the same water twice because the flow that has passed will never pass again” so, in time, the sting of the betrayal will pass you bye.
Until then, like me, you’d have to accept that you will never be able to understand why people do the things they do. No matter how much we try, we will never truly know with certainty the motives of those who betray us. So, my little advise to self will always be, never question the intent, for I may never understand it. Question the actions for they prove the truth within that moment. I maybe wrong, but this works for me.
I’ll never try to figure out the whys because people’s reactions when in sticky situations is often times rooted in self protection. And so, I refuse to doubt myself to give anyone who has betrayed me the benefit of me feeling inferior. No way! It’s like excusing the behaviour of a criminal by blaming the victim.
I’ve asked myself countless times whether it is really so naive of me to expect those around me to be genuine?
Apparently, it is. I am naive. But guess what. I’ll keep naivety over pretentiousness. I’ll keep being naive if it means that I’ll be true to who I am and I won’t fall victim to being untrue, fake, a liar. You know, all these words which I would use to describe the ones who I think do not deserve a second chance.
There are so many different ways in which we are betrayed. My worse betrayal came from the mouth of a family member. It’s neither here nor there. I’ve mentally and socially cut that person off. Frankly, there are no hard feelings because this is not someone with whom I longer share any familiarity. We are two ships which have sailed pass each other in the night. These things happen. I wouldn’t say that it didn’t hurt, but it’s been long enough that I’ve accepted the inevitable. Time cannot be regained, trust, once broken by certain people, can never be regained.
So, I’ve learned to move on. There’s been other family situations. No matter what the case may be, I seem to have developed a shell of protection. I like to attribute it to the side of me that refuses to be that person. The person who goes low, the person who gets satisfaction from trying to hold another down due to my insecurities or jealousy.
The sad part is, I can’t help it. I seem to bring out the insecurities in many females. There’s nothing extra special about me; other than I am 100% secure in myself. I have always been “older than my age.” My spirit is old and my thoughts have matured way before many of my peers. Perhaps, it has to do with me being surrounded by brilliant, independent, some feminist minded, female warriors. They have instilled in me the self confidence which I needed to find my true warrior self.
Or perhaps, it’s because from an tender age, I’ve learnt to rely on myself and in doing so, I always knew that I had to create my own safe space. And that’s what I did early on. I took risks, I still do. I make decisions that many people would be scared to make, and because of that, I’ve had some pretty amazing life experiences.
Imagine, I’ve flown a plane!
I’ve been to the Supreme Court of Canada!
I’ve started a blog!
I’ve written and published a personal book!
And these things amongst many, I am really proud of doing.
I’ve come along way from the little island shores of Dominica, to where I am today.
So trust me when I say, there is life after betrayal. You just need to find that spot within yourself to let it go and move on.
Thoughts from my safe place as I walk a path which not many can tread.